Sandra's Left Hip

"What was going on in your life, emotionally, six months ago?" I asked Sandra. I was hoping to find a clue that might explain the pain that had been immobilizing her left hip for the last six months. I was doing a demonstration at a metaphysical bookstore in Columbus, Ohio and Sandra had volunteered to be my subject.

"That was when my granddaughter died," she responded. "She just lived for twelve days. They had her in an incubator. She was so beautiful! And my daughter-in-law wanted her so badly!"

I put myself in her position. How awful it would be to have a grandchild who might die at any moment! How drained Sandra must have felt after each precious visit to her tiny grandchildÑvisits that should have been filled with joy and gladness. I put my hand gently on her shoulder. "That must have been hard on all of you. Was she your first grandchild?"

"There are two others," she said, "But they live in California." She dabbed at her eyes with a tissue.

We were surrounded by an audience of 20 people seated in a circle. During the first hour of my presentation on Vibrational Healing and Chakra Diagnosis I spoke about the chakras as seven whorls of spinning energy located along the spine. I demonstrated how to use a long thin crystal to feel the spin of energy at each chakra. I explained that there are seven stages of openness at each chakra. When a chakra is fully open, the energy flows freely and the person experiences a sense of health and balance in the corresponding area. The lower chakras relate to the physical body; the middle chakras relate to the emotions; and the upper chakras relate to one's spirituality. Halfway through the two-hour talk, I offered to demonstrate the unique method of Vibrational Alignment(TM) that I use with my clients. Asking for a volunteer with a significant and relatively recent pain (since those are easiest to heal), I warned that the work tends to get personal.

A plump middle-aged woman with reddish-brown hair raised her hand. I called for a break and asked her to talk with me. As the crowd dispersed, she walked toward me with a slight limp, as if her left leg was shorter than her right. Her red long-sleeved shirt was tucked into her beige corduroy pants. After we talked I felt I could help her. While she went to the restroom, I placed the massage table at the center of the circle. It was already adjusted it to the lowest level so I could sit next to her.

When the break was over, I returned to my seat in the circle and invited Sandra to come sit in the empty chair next to mine. I began with an invocation and then we all surrounded ourselves with white light for protection. As I described earlier, we talked about the emotional origins of her pain. Unexpressed emotions can manifest as pain in the physical body. Most men have difficulty crying, and most women repress their anger. Yet sadness and anger are intrinsic parts of grieving and the sooner they are expressed, the quicker a person will be released from the iron grip of grief that tends to wrap itself around their hearts and other parts of their bodies. I asked, "Did you ever allow yourself to get angry about your granddaughter's death?"

"I had to be there for my daughter," she said defensively. "There was no time for me to fall apart!"

I knew about that. "Let me tell you a story," I said, knowing that if I spoke intimately, but briefly, about my own loss, it would help Sandra to open up and talk about hers. "When I was 13 my brother committed suicide. Both my parents fell apart. I never saw my father cry before! I had to be strong for them, so I never let myself grieve. I held in that pain for 22 years. Then I met Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, the Swiss psychiatrist who pioneered death and loss work in this country. Then I finally understood that anger is a natural part of grieving. I was afraid to let myself get angry at my big brother. He always seemed so perfect, and I didn't want to hurt our love. But Elisabeth handed me an 18-inch length of heavy-duty industrial rubber hose and pointed to the mattress.

"I was at one of her workshops, and I had spent the last two days watching other people pound on the mattress with the hose, and it seemed to make them feel better. So I tried it, and I was surprised how easy it was. I just blanked everyone out of my mind and focused all my energy on that mattress. I couldn't believe all the emotions that came boiling up out of me.

"I was angry at my brother for abandoning me, leaving me without a brother to grow up with. I was pissed at him for leaving me to fend for myself with my crazy mother. I was pissed at him for killing himself just when we were starting to get really close. I just kept on hitting and yelling, 'Damn you! Damn you! Damn you!' After I carried on like that for awhile I felt much better! I was able to truly open my heart and feel the depth of my love for him. I could feel a deeper love for my children. I felt like my heart was growing bigger.

"Now I'm not necessarily suggesting that you feel angry at your granddaughter for dying," I reassured Sandra. "But maybe there is anger toward someone or something that you haven't been able to express. When we experience a major loss, it creates a physiological stress in our bodies that makes us want to run away or fight. When we suppress those natural instincts, adrenaline and other chemicals get stored in our internal organs and joints." I pointed meaningfully to her left hip. "The pain in that joint probably relates to a suppressed need to run away or kick someone. Kicking or running is a safe way to release those chemicals.

"Sandra, I think if you allow yourself to get in touch with your anger about losing your granddaughter, you'll feel a lot better. Are youwilling to try that?" She said she was, so I asked her to hold onto the side of the table with her right hand and kick with her left leg. She didn't need much encouragement. I told her she could kick as long as she wanted. She got up there and kicked and kicked and kicked for at least five minutes. She seemed to be doing fine, but I wondered if she might hurt that leg, so I asked, "Does it hurt your hip to do that?"

"Yes," she responded forcefully as she continued to kick without missing a beat, "but it hurts good." Finally she was finished. I asked her to lie down on her back on the massage table. When she was settled I told her to close her eyes and take a few deep breaths. Then I said, "You're doing great, Sandra. I'd like you to imagine that you're talking to your little baby granddaughter. Imagine she's right here with you now. She can hear everything you say, so you can open your heart and tell her anything you want her to know."

Sandra was ready. "Melissa, you brought the whole family together in such a special way, Honey. You will always be precious to me and I will never forget you." I asked Sandra if she had a going-away gift for Melissa. "Yes, I have a white candle for you, Baby. This candle symbolizes the Light that you have brought into all of our lives." Tears were streaming down the sides of her eyes and her mouth was trembling.

I paused for a minute, then asked, "Does Melissa have a gift for her grandmother?"

Sandra replied, "Yes, she is giving me a pink light, so I will remember to keep my heart open."

I glanced around the group and we all had tears in our eyes. I asked Sandra to say goodbye to Melisssa and as she did, I felt an impulse to make sounds. I opened my mouth and was amazed as anyone else to hear the angelic sounds that came floating over us all.

Then I had an impulse to feel the spin of energy at her left hip, which is a minor chakra. The left side of the body is the feminine side and is often influenced by one's mother. The right side relates to the masculine and is often influenced by one's father. The left hip stores the energy of the mother (or any other highly significant female) during the first few years of a person's life, and prenatally. When I feel the spin of energy at the left hip, I receive images and information about that person's mother; sometimes I experience the mother's personality and thoughts and emotions as if they were my own.

'How do I feel about this child?' I asked myself internally, imagining Sandra as an infant, and myself as her mother. I waited until I felt a sense of the energy between myself and my infant daughter. I noticed that I felt tense. 'How do I feel about being a mother'' I asked myself. I felt the energy becoming jagged. Instead of moving in a smooth circle, it had sharp edges. I allowed my intuition to make its own connections between SandraÕs mother and the sharp edges.

Within seconds the image and the feeling clicked into place. Still I was careful not to make assumptions and phrased my perception as a question. "Was your mother angry or abusive when you were an infant?" I asked.

"You have no idea!" she gasped. With this confirmation I gave my intuition free reign and disengaged my conscious mind. "So it was especially important for you to save this infant, your granddaughter, from experiencing pain, wasnÕt it?" I asked sympathetically.

Sandra sucked in her lower lip and nodded in agreement. I felt a strong impulse to move to the other side of the table so I could make sounds into her left hip. "I want to do some Shamanic Sounding for your hip," I explained,""If itÕs okay with you, IÕm going to prod with my fingers to feel where the tightness is. Then IÕll use sound to break up the stuck energy. Is that all right?" She nodded her permission. I thrust my thumbs gently into her hip joint, feeling for places of constriction. I felt my own hips shifting as I allowed my emotional/physical body to merge with hers, to identify the feelings frozen into her hip.

It was easy to feel the constriction, and the constricted emotions were not pleasant. "These sounds aren't going to be pretty," I said aloud to Sandra, and to the group, "You can cover your ears if you want. It isn't necessary to hear the sounds with your ears; they will be received directly through the cells of your hip." I cupped my hands over her hip joint and brought my mouth directly between my thumbs, using my hands like a megaphone. I shut down the part of my mind that worries about what other people think, and I focused on giving vocal expression to the pain, agony and powerlessness that I could literally feel in her joint.

I screamed and cried, making shocking sounds. Sandra's eyes were closed, but with each sound she nodded in recognition. When I made the last sound, the room was deathly silent. I held that silence for several minutes, allowing the full impact to penetrate into the muscles and tendons of her joint. Since my own body was psychically connected to hers, I could feel her muscles and tendons literally unwinding from the tension they had been holding. I hoped that soon they would relax into their normal healthy resonance.

After a few minutes, I touched her arm. She opened her eyes and smiled at me with deep gratitude. "I could relate to every sound you made," she said. "Those were the exact sounds that I could not express."

I returned her smile and looked around the circle. I could see that some people had experienced profound changes. A box of tissues was going around the circle, and some people were crying openly. I, too, was deeply moved by the sounds and movements that came through me. But I learned long ago to give it all to God. It was His show.

Now my conscious mind was reminding me to return to the topic of my talk. I looked at the small table that held my healing crystals. I wanted to reinforce the work with a crystal, to ground the new energy into Sandra's body. I reached for the large smoky quartz crystal and held it up for her and the others to see. "I'm going to put this smoky quartz at your hip," I explained. "This brown quartz pulls negativity out of the body, and thickens it and makes it heavy so that it sinks down into the ground." I placed the fat 8-inch-long crystal on her left hip, aiming the point where the six sides come together toward her feet. I was quiet for a minute. Sometimes I just stop and wait until I feel moved to do the next thing.

"I can feel it!" Sandra exclaimed. "I can actually feel the energy moving from my left hip down and out of my left foot! I've never felt anything like that before!"

I smiled. It's gratifying when people can feel the powerful energies of the crystals. It was time to bring the healing session to a close. I usually end my sessions with Shamanic Sounding. There are many Shamans who use my voice and hands for this work. I never know which ones will come, and I never know what they will do. Some are Siberian, some Native American , some Chinese or African or Hawaiian. My eyes are usually closed, and my hands and arms move above the person's body as if making adjustments in their aura; pulling out or sweeping away energies. My conscious mind simply witnesses all this and is as surprised as anyone else at the sounds that come out of my mouth and the gestures I make.

As I make adjustments in their field, I can feel the energies, but I cannot see them; that is not one of my gifts. When I do this work in public, there are almost always some people who can see energies, and later I enjoy hearing their descriptions.

Before I began sounding for Sandra I said, "Those of you who see energies might keep your eyes open, because it can be quite a show." Standing over Sandra, I closed my eyes and allowed the sounds and movements to come through. In the beginning, the sounds were soothing and nurturing. Then they became staccato, as if energy was being broken up. I found myself making a swift back-an--forth motion over Sandra's pelvis with my right hand and forearm. My conscious mind barely took note of this and it wasn't until later that I realized this was the same motion I did over my late husband's body when he died in 1998.

Raphael's body had been laid out in the living room. I was feeling very attached to his precious body, and not happy about having to let go of it the next day. I went into the bedroom to sleep, and when I awoke I felt overwhelmed by a shamanic force that powered me into the living room, where I promptly began forcefully toning over his body, and then I witnessed myself doing just that kind of swift back-and-forth motion, sideways to his body, all the way from his head to his feet. When that was complete, I had no more attachment to his body. All the cords were cut. I was totally ready to let him go.

That was what I seemed to be doing with Sandra's body; cutting the cords to her granddaughter, which she had been holding at her left hip. The sounding lasted about five minutes, while Sandra went into a trance, which is what usually happens. When I complete the sounds my clients are usually immobilized. Occasionally their bodies will shake or tremble. I believe they go into a deep delta state where profound healing takes place. The trembling is probably a release of the kundalini energy that goes up the spine. When I work in private, I usually leave the room after the Shamanic Sounding to allow my client to assimilate the vibrations.Later they report images that occurred while I was toning, or sensations in their bodies. I, too, get a rush of energy from those powerful sounds, and sometimes I see images or scenes that seem to be from that person's past lives.

After the sounding I let Sandra lie there for several minutes, then I put my hand on her arm and she opened her eyes and smiled. I gave her a big hunk of black obsidian to hold. "This will help you get back into your body so you can drive home," I told her. Obsidian is great for grounding.

I removed the other stones and helped her stand up, asking her to walk around to test her hip. As she walked everyone could see that her limp was gone. "It feels like my whole leg has been energized."

I gave her a big hug and one of the women remarked at how relaxed Sandra's face was. We discussed what happened, and several people reported seeing the energies. Over the years, more and more people have begun to see and feel the energies, and they have become more willing to acknowledge and use these gifts. One woman remarked, "I could see little devic beings jumping around when you were making the sounds to break up the energy." Both Sandra and another woman said they saw the same beings.

One man and another woman saw a cloud of gray energy hovering over Sandra when she laid down. While I was making back-and-forth motions with my arm, they saw the gray energy being sliced into small pieces. The man said, "This has never happened to me before, but I could actually smell the gray energy. It smelled like moldy, wet stone. After the gray energy was sliced, it got sucked up by the smoky quartz and then it shot down through her left leg and out her foot."

* * *

I called Sandra a week later. "My hip is almost entirely normal," she said gratefully. "It just pulls a little when I walk upstairs. My doctor can't believe the change. And my attitude is better. I feel happier. I don't need sleeping pills. I feel completely at peace with my little granddaughter. Thank you so much!"

It was a pleasure to work with Sandra, because she was so open to suggestions and so willing to work. She was tired of holding onto that old grief, and she just needed a little encouragement to let go of it. If we had more time we could have worked with the small pain that still remained in her hip, which may have had an entirely different underlying cause. Many of my clients and students have been able to reverse diagnoses of hopeless arthritis and deteriorating joints.

Most pain and tension can be alleviated by paying attention to the underlying problem. When we give expression to emotional and physical pain, the constriction unwinds, and this increases circulation to the area, allowing natural realignment and healing to take place. Sandra's was not a passive role; she was an active participant in her own healing. The Hawaiian kahunas understood that healing cannot occur when a person is plagued by guilt and unexpressed emotions. That's why we work on the Underlying Cause. Once the emotions are understood and expressed, the barrier falls away. Then healthy energies flow in and the body returns to its own healthy harmonic resonance. The emotional release sounds combined with the smoky quartz to break up and eliminate old dysfunctional energies. I could have done the work without these vibrational tools, but it would have taken several sessions instead of one. Alternately, Sandra could have made the sounds herself. Perhaps in the future she will make sounds to express her emotions before they harden into painful areas in her joints. I look forward to a time when this kind of work will always be done long before surgery is considered.

Copyright 2003 Joy Gardner

*Living from the Inside Out by Joy Gardner is an unpublished book.