Error processing SSI file


Part 3 - 2009

Part 1 (2003-07)
Part 2 (2008)
Part 4 (2011)


Feb 28, 2009

What is the Advantage of Being Alive?

I asked Pink Tara, “What is the advantage of being alive? I have the impression that the other side is very beautiful. There is a sense of bliss, of oneness, of union with those we have loved. Particularly for those of us who are more evolved, who are carrying less karma, I feel that the experience is very beautiful. That we can be one with Nature. That we can let go of this duality that is so painful to us. That we’re healthy. That we feel loved, because we’re one with everything.

So I’m really trying to understand — if all this is true, then what is the advantage of being alive? I think there’s something very wonderful about having a body and being able to touch other bodies. All the five senses are extremely pleasing, in a variety of ways. And yet on the astral plane I know that there’s at least the illusion of wonderful touches and sensations and the ability to shapeshift, and a very great fullness of sensation.

Being here, one of the things that is really fulfilling to me is having a sense of making a difference. I have the feeling that being on the other side, I can act as a Spirit Guide, and I can make a difference that way.

But is there really an Avaloketeshvara?  Is there really a sense that this is a magnificent game and that when everyone is enlightened, then we get to go back? Then the game is over? And that we can be helping that from here, or from over there? And maybe that we can help more from here?

Pink Tara: I’m eager to talk with you about this. No one ever asks. Life is a precious thing. Why does the flower want to sprout? To be or not to be — that is the question. To be is a fragile thing. It is a creation; it is one of the creations of God.
Making a difference? Yes. That is important.

Joy: Why is it important?

PT: It’s a little different from what you say about Avaloketeshvara. It is a little bit beyond your ability to understand. There is great peace here. But the strife is missing. (Laughs.) And the strife is a source of excitement and challenge and a means of growth. There are very few beings who come from your side to this side who are ready to be in this place. Mostly they just come here, do some processing, and go back again. “Over here” is simply, for them, school. A different kind of school. Life - the life of your consciousness - is all of your lifetimes together. And by the time you reach the twelfth house (oh, what a beautiful board game this would make!) - by the time you reach the twelfth house [astrologically], you’ve gathered a great deal of experiences. Not many who reach the twelfth house even consider getting off then: let’s do it again!

But you, little one, are in a unique position. And that is why you are asking this question. Not many can evolve from a human lifetime into a Spirit Guide. Not many are ready for that transition. You can, you are, you will. That is your path.

“This lifetime is for doing what you can in. A very great deal of doing, until done is done is done. And no excuse for later or before.” [Tara is quoting from Poems of the Earth, which I wrote/channeled when I was 19. She says the words with such familiarity, it makes me think I must have channeled them from her, before I met her and before I knew anything about channeling. I was so surprised by these poems that came through me and I didn’t really understand what they meant until much later.]

So that’s where you’re going: until done is done is done, and no excuse for later or before. That’s where you’re going. Until done is done is done. And so, you have a very great deal to do in this lifetime. As long as you have that sense of mission about your life, you feel full and you feel happy and you feel fulfilled. You love your life.

But when you think of it as just as adventure; when you’re living it just for yourself — then you can begin to see that, “oh yes, there are adventures elsewhere.” An adventure has an element of tension, an element of danger that makes it more exciting. But if you combine the adventure with the work, that’s very exciting, too. And if you combine that with a romance, then you’ve got something really juicy. You have a sense of wanting to create the perfect piece of theater. In which there is a drama, in which you play a leading role, and there is romance, and there is a sense of helping others. And being on the side of the good guys. (laughs)

Okay – so that’s the promise, of this lifetime, in the flesh. That simply isn’t available on the other side. And because you feel right at the edge of being ready to go to the other side, and stay there, you really want to do a true culmination in this lifetime. Of that vision.

And being the cumulation of all of your lifetimes, you are still committed to the oath you took in your Christian lifetime, to dedicate your life to overcoming injustice in the world.

Joy: Yes. I am prepared to do that.

PT: And one way you do that is through the Vibrational Healing work. (She sings.)


The Christian lifetime that Pink Tara is referring to is this. I have past life recall of having been a follower of Jesus. I think we were Essenes. The part I remember vividly happened when I was an old man. We had been rounded up by the Romans and we were being tortured. Part of the torture was not knowing what would happen to us. They had taken us to the arena where there would be gladiators and there would be lions. We were locked up in the round area underneath the seats. There were no toilets. We could not escape the excrement and the vomit and the rotting bodies of the dead. It was horrific.

I remember sitting on the ground, with my long gray hair and my gray beard, holding my wife in my arms. She was dying, and there was nothing I could do to help her. I loved her so much! I remember holding my hand up in the air with my fingers outspread and shouting to God, "I will give this many lifetimes to overcoming injustice in the world!"

When I relived that incident, I suddenly understood why I felt so passionately about human injustice, from a very early age. When I was 15 years old I joined a Peace March in New York City, and that same year I picketed Woolworth's, to protest segregation of lunch counters in the South.

Back in 1977 there was a 12 hour miniseries on television called Roots, based on a true story by Alex Haley, about how his ancestors were brought over on a slave ship from Africa. That series made such a deep impression on me that I watched it again recently, through Netflix. As I was writing about my experience in that arena with the Romans, I realized that the plight of the Africans in those ships was virtually identical to what I had experienced. No wonder I was so eager to join the African-Americans who were picketing Woolworth's.

Since I had that past-life recall, I have known that this is my fifth lifetime. My oath gives a sense of passionate purpose to my life. I hadn't made all those connections until now, with Tara's help.

It amazes me that a person could sustain an intention for such a long time.

I am also struck by the power of curses. I have seen several instances in which a curse carried through many generations, affecting the lives of many seemingly innocent people. I'd like to share something about Curses that I wrote in Body/Mind Journeys, a self-published booklet. I'll publish it on this website under Book Excerpts. (For some reason I can't get the link to work, but you can find it by going to the Home Page and going to the Menu on the left, under Books / Excerpts, and then looking under Excerpts from Unpublished Books, Body/Mind Journeys.)

Comment from Paul Prensky:

Hi Joy, I was browzing yr. website, reading abt. Pink Tara. Here's the
story I learned, from a beatnik Bhuddist scholar back in the mid-sixties.
Avi, we'll call him, was a Hindu sage from western India - late in life he
felt impelled to walk East, to find what he was seeking. He came upon
Gautama and his disciples, in the Bo tree valley, just as they were about
to ascend to the "Door to Eternity," which Gautama had found alone but
could not open more than a crack, thru which he'd seen LIGHT, eternity.
Avi realized it wd. be improper to join the group at this moment but he
felt it was what had dreawn him so he preayed to the universal god of
compassion. To his surprise, be was admitted into the group, tho everyone
averted his eyes when he saw him. He took his place, last of 23, and
ascended. When they reached the Door, Gautama pushed w. all his
(spiritual) might and had the person behind him push as well. Sure enough
it worked and he fell through into Nirvana, the door springing shut. The
person who'd pushed for him followed his example, etc. etc. through all 21
of them. When Avi went to push w. all his might for the last but for him,
the Door sprung open as if on a perfect balance. He was mystified.
He looked down at himself and realized he'd become a woman. It became
clear that this was how the god of compassion had answered his prayer. In
China at the time, men in a group in public averted their eyes when seeing
a woman, and, if there was a group that included a woman or women, a woman
had to be last in line to close the door behind them. He, now she, also
realized, w. feminine awareness, that the men who had just attained
Nirvana were esentially selfish, having left w. no clue for others who
might have similar yearnings. She tested the door and sure enough it
opened and closed for her effortlessly. She realized she didn't have to go
through but cd. wait and for whomever came up the path next, and assist
that person w. the door. She further realized she cd. stay there for as
long as it took for ALL to pass through, since when she opened the door
for herself, last, she wd be in Nirvana, as if she had slways been there,
so she stayed.
Eventually, she became known by the name Quan Shii Yin, meaning the
mysterious power of music in Sanskrit, and was said to have the attributes
now associated w. her, with the Taras and w. Mary, at least.
That's my story and I'm sticking by it.

Love, Paul

Comment from Joy: Thanks Paul. Good story -- I especially like the musical connection.

I think of Quan Yin as a sister energy to Tara. Tara is to the Tibetan Buddhists as Quan Yin is to the Chinese, and as Mother Mary is to the Christians. Tara is considered the female form of Avaloketeshvara (I just noticed that Tara is short for -teshvara.)



Finances have been very challenging since the financial crunch went down. So many of my students and clients have been hit, especially here on the East Coast
Yesterday was one of the worst days for me. In the morning I found out that two of my students need to move to Denver to get a job that’s been offered there. That means they won’t be able to take the last three classes in my program, and the enrollment was already small. That drops $1200 out of my income in one fell swoop.
Also yesterday I got a letter from my organizer in Boston. She said she’s having serious money problems at work, combined with family problems, and she won’t be able to organize the workshop, and she hasn’t been able to find a place for the workshop. That could mean the loss of about $2000 from my income.
It was not a happy day.

However. I took a different attitude than usual. I decided not to stress about it and to just “give it to God.” I figured that if it was possible for me to lose $2200 in one day, it was just as possible to gain that much—or more.
This morning, I woke up thinking that I was in training to become a spiritual General. That I would be called upon to organize and to comfort large numbers of people who would be going through major transitions, far more challenging than these. I needed to learn to roll with the punches and to operate on an entirely different level, helping others to do the same.

I thought about Marlo Morgan, who wrote Mutant Message Down Under, and the story she told about going back to the Australian Aborigines and bringing them a set of oars as a gift. On her previous trip, she had watched them making simple bark canoes, but they had no paddles.“They’re very nice,” they said to her, “but what are they for?”
“When you go out in the canoe,” she explained patiently, “you have a way of bringing yourself back, without having to wait for the waves.”
“But how will we know when Spirit wants us to come back?” they asked.

I felt as if this loss of finances was like being swept out into the ocean, and it was my job to wait and trust that eventually I would be brought back in. I sensed that I needed to fully embody that belief and experience the results before I could convey it to others.

Today I received an enthusiastic call from a woman in Pennsylvania who has been reading my book and wants to come to at least a couple of workshops (that I happen to be teaching in Pennsylvania), and also wants a private session while I'm there. That could mean the equivalent of $550.
I wrote to a friend in the Boston area and she put me in contact with a woman who has a great house up in the woods north of Boston that will be perfect for the workshop, and she is happy to come to the workshop as a trade for having it there, and I’m welcome to stay at her house, and even to see clients there. Now I don’t have to pay $250 for the workshop space, nor 30% to the organizer, ($700 if it's a full workshop) nor $75 for a place to see clients, and now the organizer is paying to attend the workshop, and she just sent in registrations for herself and two of her friends ($600). So today I’ve already made the equivalent of about $1600, and the potential for another $1600. Not bad.


I’ve been reading a great book, The Elves of Lily Hill Farm—A Partnership with Nature by Penny Kelly (Llewellyn, 1997).  It’s the true story of a couple who had a grape farm. After having a sudden kundalini awakening, the woman, who had been an engineer for Chrysler Corporation, suddenly found herself hearing voices, and later being able to see a group of elves on her property. Over time they educated her about how to live in balance with her land, and all the creatures living on it.It’s a beautiful and inspiring story. If you have a hard time believing it, that’s okay—she did too! But the proof is in the pudding. They went from producing 33 tons of grapes with the use of pesticides and chemical fertilizers, to producing 100 tons organically. During this time she learned to communicate, not just with the elves but also with the Devas of the lilies (hence the name of the book), the grapes, the weeds, and even the moles.
By the way, there’s another great book about a woman who goes to Ireland to get in touch with her ancestry, and encounters a family of leprechauns, and one of them becomes her teacher—again, it’s about living in balance with nature. I love this book: Summer with the Leprechauns by Tanis Helliwell (Blue Dolphin Publishing, 1997).

So I’ve been having a problem here in my apartment. I’ve had an infestation of flour moths. It started with the wild birdseed from last year; the sunflower seeds became infested. Then I started seeing them in my kitchen. I didn’t know what they were at first, but when I went away for six weeks and came back, these small brown moths were everywhere; mostly in the kitchen, in the cupboards, but they were showing up in the closets and in the shower.
Wherever I had grains or beans or herbs in plastic bags, they made tiny holes in the bags and laid their eggs, which turned into mealy worms. Yuk! I threw out about 15 pounds of “emergency supplies.” Darn.

I was methodically going around and killing every one I could find. They were easy to kill, because—unlike mosquitoes—they wouldn’t fly away when you came toward them with a flyswatter or your hand.
I felt bad about killing these gentle creatures. A long time ago I made peace with the mosquitoes. When I lived on Molokai, I made peace with the ants. I figured that I ought to try communicating with the moths, but I was much too busy unpacking and reorganizing from my long trip to give it much thought. I wondered what the elves would say?

After a couple weeks it became obvious that these moths were multiplying like crazy, and I was going to have to use a different tactic. Finally I settled down and got quiet, went within and called upon the Deva of the Flour Moths.
Then I saw in my mind’s eye a huge moth. I was surprised to see how beautiful she was. I explained my problem to her, and she instructed me to “Remove the screen from your kitchen window. Open all the cupboards and closets in the house and leave them oen for 24 hours.”I was reluctant to remove the screen and let in all kinds of other creatures, especially at night when they would be drawn to the light. But I reluctantly did as she suggested.
The next morning I was amazed when I came into my kitchen. I looked all around, and there were no moths! (And no other bugs, either!) I thanked the deva silently as I closed all the cupboards and closets.
Throughout the day, there were no moths whatsoever. Then tonight a single moth came flying by me while I was in the living room, and actually brushed my shoulder as it flew by, then it returned and fluttered around me. They have never done anything like this before. I said to the moth, “Okay, I’ll open the screen in the kitchen for you.” I went into the kitchen to remove the screen, thinking that I’d have to leave it that way all night, when I noticed that the moth had followed me from the living room and landed on the screen! I just tipped the screen and it gladly flew out into the night.

Later another moth came and landed on a book on my desk as I was working (these moths have never been anywhere near my desk!). I said, “Wait a minute, I’m going to get a jar.” I went into the kitchen and got a jar and came back and just held it near the moth and it readily flew into the jar. I put my hand over the jar and took it outside and it promptly flew away.

It boggles my mind to think how much conscious awareness there is all around us, if we just stop and make an effort to communicate!

As I write this, I am becoming aware that the moth who flew around me was the Deva, returning to thank me. It is one day later now, and I have not seen any moths.


I'm loving this book, The Elves of Lily Hill Farm! I just want to share a little bit with you.

The author, Penny Kelly, is speaking to the elves:

“I’m still trying to figure out how I can give my heart and soul, body and mind, time and energy completely to the farm and still make a living. After all, I do like to eat!”
“Yep! And that’s exactly where most of ye first get out of balance!” he chirped.
“What do you mean? That we get out of balance because we need to eat?” I asked with surprise.
“Oh no,” he replied, “of course ye need to eat. It’s just that when ye give up the right to produce yer own food ye’ve moved away from the central balance point of life here on earth. Next thing ye know ye’re eating whatever ye can find, proper or not, and yer health is out of balance. Eating like that affects yer mind, and the next thing ye know ye’er feeling irritable, fighting over possessions, and really off the beam. After that, the balance between energy and time goes and before ye know it, yer whole reality is out of focus. Ye end up not remembering how to feed yerself and then it really turns into a nightmare.
“The basis of yer reality is the world of nature. We all come from the world of nature. Lose that direct connection and ye will lose the whole reality because ye’ve lost yer base. Humans are at the top of nature’s heap. Ye humans need everything that’s in the heap under ye to support yer form of life. But nothing in the heap needs that human at the top. Ye humans are the most expendable of all—yet ye think ye’re indispensable!”


I received this from Lynn Miller --

Last night I lost my glasses, I asked the fairies to come and put them in a place where I can find them. In the morning they were sitting right in plain sight after much searching. I thank the fairies. 

9/22/09 You know how you can have a period of time when your meditations are really deep and extraordinary . . . and then you can have a kind of dry spell, where it doesn’t really feel like you’re making a profound contact? I was just talking to Spirit about that today, and I was given this metaphor. You know how, in the beginning of a relationship, it feels so hot and so exciting?

But then, when you live together, you can get so that you take your partner for granted, when you’re with each other every day? Then it’s good to take separate vacations. Just get away from each other for a while. Then when you come back together, you really appreciate each other again. It’s the same with Spirit. When we don’t taste that Divine Sweetness for awhile, we begin to miss it, and then we truly appreci9/23/09 – Time Travel I just saw The Time Traveler’s Wife. It’s an excellent movie. I’ll review it in my movie reviews. But is it real? Do things like that really happen? My guess is that they were stretching the truth, to make it more scary.

In the movie the protagonist had no control over where or when he travelled. On the one hand, there was an implication that he had a genetic anomaly. But the time traveling was a phenomenon that started when he was six years old and was in a car wreck with his mother. At that moment, he was flung back in time to an event that happened two weeks previously. He was disoriented. Then his grown-up self came to comfort him and reassure him that he was okay. But his mother was dead. And then he fell in love with a six-year-old girl. Or she fell in love with him. But he was a man at the time. And he knew that she would be his wife.

So let me talk about my experience with moving outside of time and space. I’m sitting at the Black Oak Restaurant, just off Highway 101, with my friend Linda. I’m traveling south along the West Coast, and she traveled two hours to meet me. We have one hour to catch up on everything that has happened to us in the last two years. She’s talking. We’ve been taking turns. We’ve covered lot of ground. It’s exciting and stimulating and totally juicy and fun. I don’t want it to end, but of course it has to. I don’t want to be rude by looking at my watch, so I look at hers. It says 1:45, and I have until 2. That’s more time than I expected. Good. Now it’s my turn to talk. How can I possibly tell it all? But I just have to tell her these stories. I talk and talk, and she’s totally engrossed. When I feel like we’re close to 15 minutes, I glance at her watch. What? It still says 1:45! That’s too weird. But don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Now she’s talking. Oh, I’ve gotta hear this story! I forget about time as I allow myself to get pulled into her story. Then I wrench myself away, to check the time and . . . . omigod. What is going on here?

“Linda, this is too weird. I’ve been checking the time on your watch and it keeps telling the same time! Is your watch stopped or something?” “Me too!” she sputters. “I’ve been watching your watch, and it keeps saying 1:45. How could that be?” We turn around and look up at the wall, and there’s a big clock, and it says 1:45. “We must be outside of time and space!” Have you ever had that happen to you? As it turns out, when I ask people that question, lots of people have had similar experiences. In fact, I’d love to hear your stories and to share them here. I have this theory that when we prepare to do a past life regression (or--to put it differently--when we visit concurrent lifetimes), we step outside of our time-space continuum, and then re-enter at a different location. As for deliberate time travel (or inadvertent time travel), Yogananda reported in Autobiography of a Yogi that there were certain yogis who had the abililty to be in two places at once. Anastacia, a Siberian recluse, in The New Civilization f(the 8th book in the Ringing Cedars series), shares a specific technique for leaving your physical body and reappearing in a different location. I haven’t tried it yet, but I intend to. During the seventies, Robert Monroe worked with several physicists to document and verify hundreds of genuine OBE’s (Out of Body Experiences). This is described by physicist Thomas Campbell in his book, My Big Toe. People would go Out of Body and travel, and describe what they saw. Later people would validate their findings. Two people would meet out of body, and return later and independently share their experiences, and they would both describe the same experiences. People would go into the future and report on events that later were validated. I appreciate movies like The Time Traveler’s Wife because they open people’s minds to the possibility that we really can travel in time. BUT it annoys me that these movies throw in a lot of inaccuracies, and there is no way that ordinary people can gauge what is possible and what is pure fantasy. So I’d like to address that.

To the best of my knowledge, the person who does the traveling (we can call him or her the time traveler) chooses to do the traveling. Though I would allow for the possibility that a severe trauma (such as the auto accident that occurred for the boy in the movie) or an extreme drug experience, or a chemical imbalance (which society would label as a form insanity) could conceivably thrust a person into the past or the future, without their having chosen to make that journey. I know plenty of people (including myself) who have travelled into the past and witnessed their own past lives. This is a common phenomenon, and there is a great deal of evidence that it is real, though I don’t know if anyone has found a way of absolutely validating these experiences. Through the device of visualization (such as going through a cave), I enter into a different lifetime.

So far I have not heard of anyone returning from their journeys into the past or into the future with any change to their current physical body or their physical age. If you have any actual experience to the contrary, please do write and let me know about it. (Though you may feel more relaxed, or you may even experience an alleviation of a physical or psychological symptom.)

Now I do want to mention that there is an excellent book, with lots of photographs, of people who remember past lives in which they were, for example, stabbed in the back, and in their current lifetime they have a distinct birth mark or scar or visible picture of that event on their body. (Sorry, I do not know the title. Does anyone else know the title of this book?? It is a very large and very expensive book.)

Theoretically, it should be possible to go back and talk to your own younger self (I have done this as a kind of visualization), or even to the younger self of someone you know (as in the movie). Indeed, it should be possible to go forward and chat with your own older self, or to progress forward to your own death (I have witnessed other people doing this, and it seems to be accurate).

Now whether the ability to time travel is genetically acquired is an interesting question. It has been shown that shamanic powers are definitely passed through the genes (there’s a good discussion about that at the end of Visionseeker, the last in the Spiritwalker Trilogy by Hank Wesselman). If you have a “gift,” you can probably find a similar gift in one of your parents or grandparents. On the other hand, most studies of psychic phenomenon strongly indicate that anybody can do almost anything (see Thomas Campbell, My Big Toe and also Lynne McTaggert in The Field and The Intention Experiment and also The Holographic Universe by Michael Talbott). So it may be a lot more about the huge amount of our brainpower that we don’t use because we don’t believe that we can. The part of the movie that I consider pure fantasy is when the protagonist literally dissolves in front of your eyes (nice special effects), and then appears naked in the future or the past. In my experience, you don’t take your body with you. You get a different body and different clothes. One of the first things you do when you arrive in a new time zone is to look down at your feet. Then you’ll know whether you’re male or female, what your approximate age is, and whether you’re rich or poor. Just by looking at your feet. Nevertheless, it was a brilliant movie, and a great love story. And Hey, if you’ve had any experiences to the contrary, or if you’d like to comment on what I’ve written, please write.

Meanderings about Jews and related topics.

In the Jewish tradition, the Jews are "chosen" by God. (Hence the hostility of other people toward Jews and the Jewish sense of entitlement.)

In the Christian tradition, Christians are servants of God. (Hence the belief that poverty is Godly.)

In the Hawaiian Huna tradition, we are all beloved children of God. (Hence the Aloha Spirit.)

Jews and Christians suffer from superiority-inferiority complexes that lead to endless warfare.

The Aloha Spirit leads to peace.

The Jewish religion seems to be the only religion that is genetic. You can tell a Jew by certain physical and mental characteristics.


Here's a conversation I had via email with Alexis Smith, in response to a question on the Questionnaire that potential students fill out. The question I asked was: "What do you do when you feel angry?"

Her response was (with her permission to share): "In the past, I played the piano, and certain pieces help process through the anger perfectly. I find that under the anger has usually been a lot of sadness, too, so I would often cry while I was playing."

I wrote:

Alexis, I was intrigued by your comment that you played the piano when you needed to process anger. I never thought of doing that, and yet it seems so obvious!  I am curious about which pieces worked for you this way? I could imagine that Beethoven and Chopin might do the trick?

She responded:

Hello Joy, yes, I have played especially Chopin's Fantasie Impromptu, and in my earlier years I played a lot of Beethoven too.  I also really enjoyed playing Rachmaninoff...I haven't in a while, but especially his Prelude in C# Minor...that one is perfect for gets really loud. :)  I played the second movement of Rachmaninoff's Second Piano Concerto, which goes through many emotions, sweet calmness, into thicker, rolling, darker (melancholic) melodies, and ends very triumphantly and positively.  The whole concerto is amazing to listen to.

I wrote:

My late husband’s all-time favorite piece was Rachmaninoff’s Second.  We listened to it often. When he was dying, I played it for him.  I wondered if that was one of the ones you used! Such an amazing piece of music.

We communicated after he died, and he told me that he found Rachmaninoff.  Here’s an excerpt from Death by Email, a book I wrote that was a compilation of the email letters I sent out while Raffi was dying, and afterward:

I met him [Rachmaninoff].
I had to tell him how beautiful his music was.

Art is difficult—no difficulty here.
So Rachmaninoff didn’t care
if I liked his music or not.
Not attached.

once created,
a thing of beauty IS

When you played Rachmaninoff for me [when I was dying], you played the
perfect thing. That was how you helped me to reach Enlightenment.
From Rachmaninoff, I slid out into the
From there into Samadhi
In swirls of loving energy

Alexis replied:

That is so beautiful and amazing. :) When my mom was dying, I played her the recording I did with the youth symphony my senior year in high school, as it was on of her favorites too. She used to watch the video of the performance all the time and would show it to anyone who came over. :) She was unconscious when I made it to the hospital (I had been in Germany when she got sick), and I thought the music might bring her back. They did notice an increase in her brain activity, and that really was one of the only positive signs we saw in the four days before she died.It is definitely very powerful music.

I wrote:

Fascinating. The Tibetans and Chinese read sacred texts to the dying so they can find their way through the bardos of illusion, directly to the Pure White Light of Spirit. It sounds like Raphael was able to use Rachmaninoff, and perhaps your mother was able to use your music for the same purpose. That’s very inspiring, isn’t it? THE END

Now, what about you? Do you have anything to add? Have you used music to release anger? Have you used music or anything else to help those who are dying? I published this conversation on my Facebook Professional Page and received these wonderful responses:

Sarah La Rosa wrote: this was wonderful, and encouraging to read! I do the same thing when I'm angry, or extremely stressed out. Although I do not read music, I play by ear (and have since a wee little one), and the pressure of fingertips to create sad, happy, loud or watery sounds always helps me to let go of agitated feelings. Blessings!

I wrote: What an interesting concept! "The pressure of fingertips to create sounds (and watery sounds!)". I never thought of that!

Sarah La Rosa wrote: oh yes, I think one of music's more magical qualities is that it makes nature available to us inside an instrument. I love that hearing Vivaldi's Four Seasons can transport me to Spring in the cold damp of a winter's night, or see falling leaves when it's scorching outside! But I think this is also why both Nature herself and music are powerful, spiritual mediums for healing and joy... I love this post!!! Thanks for making my day, Joy!!

Mary Paul Thomas wrote: Bach's Fugue No.10 of Well-Tempered Clavichord in E minor, played a dozen times cyclically (to answer the anger question). I'm learning Scriabin's first piano sonata, which should work nicely, but I haven't had the anger to test it for that purpose yet! WTC Prelude No. 6 in D minor, and no. 2 in C minor, while I'm looking through the volume, look... See More good. Until I discovered Scriabin, long past my student days, I wouldn't have looked beyond Bach for my favorite, though the Rachmaninoff is also perfect. Grieg piano concerto in A minor comes to mind, though I have an adaptation that's somewhat simplified, I think. Thanks for asking the question! I enjoyed considering the answers for myself.


I was talking on the phone with my friend Thomas Seaman today, and he shared a paradigm that I would like to share with you (with his permission). I welcome any comments or contributions to this idea.


If you feel abused, the response tends to be one or all of these behaviors:

1 -- Victim -- For some reason, I deserve this pain. So you play out this role. You tell your story; you expect sympathy.

2 –--Savior -- No one should ever have to feel this kind of pain—so I’m going to save them all. (Usually at some great sacrifice to myself—hence the Martyr.)

3 -- Abuser – There is no justice in this world, so I can do anything I want.

All three are based on unresolved pain. They tend to shift back-and-forth on one another. Some people have such a strong need not to be the abuser that they end up abusing themselves.

Many people who want to become healers are this kind of Savior. Unfortunately, this need to “save” or to “help” others is based on unhealed personal pain, so it’s not clean.

These are often the “healers” or doctors who push their own ideas of truth on others—instead of listening to what others really need and want for themselves.

As I see it, most doctors and many so-called healers have a need to be the center of attention. A true healer is more like a good midwife; one who empowers the woman who is giving birth (to her baby or to herself!) by standing by, ready to be of assistance, while giving calm reassurance that she or he is perfectly capable of doing this herself/himself. There is no need to be in the limelight.

So the True Healer learns to Give It To God. To take neither credit nor blame for the outcome of the healing. I do their best and then Give It To God. It may be time for this person to Go Home; then the healer’s role may be simply to hold that person’s hand while he or she passes over.

Personally, I have found that the best way to break out of the Victim-Savior Abuser cycle is to grieve fully for any abuse that you have experienced or that you have perpetrated. Once you have expressed all your emotions around this experience, you can let go of the pain. In the words of my mentor, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, once you have fully drained your pool of sorrow; once you have reached the bottom of your pit, there is no place to go but up.

This is why I teach my Emotional Release Workshop, which is modeled after Elisabeth’s Life, Death and Transition Workshop. This is part of the Vibrational Healing Certification Program, because I do not believe that people can become effective healers unless they have fully drained their own pool of sorrow. This workshop is open to anyone, but I give precedence to students who enroll in the whole program.

4/30/10 (As published on my Facebook page:)

Dear Friends:

I've waited a long time to reveal some of the experiences that my clients have shared with me. Now is the time to tell the truth. Here's an article I just wrote. I'd like to get it published, but I don't have time to look for a publisher. Please pass it on if it feels relevant to you:

Catholic Perversions

by Joy Gardner

His mother was a good Catholic. That’s why she forced him to sleep with his hands on top of the covers. So he wouldn’t soil himself. Cleanliness is next to Godliness. When his hands accidentally wandered during the night (“I didn’t do it on purpose, Ma, honest I didn’t!”) and she found the hard spot on his sheet, it was her Christian duty to humiliate him, to put the fear of God in him. To force him to parade around the kitchen with his cock hanging out the top of his pajamas where his little sister could see it (of course, she’d never remember that in a thousand years) and say one hundred times, “This is the work of the Devil. This is the work of the Devil. This is the work of the Devil.”

It was 1940 and that’s how things were done. Nobody suspected that little Georgie would grow up to become a masochist whose greatest sexual pleasure would come from exposing himself in front of little girls, and having his cock tied up by a woman in tall black boots brandishing a whip.

George was not a monster. He was a perfectly normal businessman, a churchgoer, a pillar of strength and dedication in his community. He lived in mortal dread that his secret would be found out. Or that he would do something inappropriate and actually hurt someone. Mostly he confined himself to fantasies. But he suffered his whole life because he could not relax and just enjoy normal sex.

There are millions of Georges in the world. They are monsters who have been created by a sexually repressive childhood. The time is way overdue to place the responsibility firmly where it belongs, with the Church that created this monstrosity in the first place. Catholic child sexual abuse is not confined to the priesthood. And it doesn’t come out of nowhere. Hasn’t anyone thought to ask, “Why have thousands of priests, all over the world, had this particular perversion?” It isn't because these men are intrinsically bad people.

Sexual perversions rarely if ever occur among indigenous people, where sexuality is considered normal and natural; where adult sexual behavior is not enshrouded in shame and guilt; where children are allowed to explore their own sexuality with one another and imitate adult behaviors. Sexual perversion is a direct result of sexual repression. One does not occur without the other. Enforced celibacy is not natural. When natural sexual energy is not expressed, even privately (except in rare cases, when a highly evolved soul chooses to re-channel their sexual energy) it is highly likely to burst out elsewhere. Hence, for example, the high incidence of homosexuality in certain all-male ashrams. And the repeated occurrence of sexual molestation of their devotees by so-called celibate gurus.

Homosexuality is not a perversion. Perverse priests who cannot go public about their own homosexuality may cover up their guilt by refusing to marry homosexuals while they themselves are fondling little boys. What’s wrong with this picture? When children are raised to feel guilty about fondling themselves — something that embryos do in the womb—this is a way of crippling their natural creative impulse. It is done deliberately and intentionally to control people. Guilt combined with the fear of rotting in Hell was the perfect diabolical combination to give the Catholic Church ultimate power and authority over people’s lives. When it is sinful to do what comes naturally; when only your minister can give you absolution from your sins (with a little help from Jesus); you become totally dependent upon that Church for your salvation.

Ministers, of course, had to keep perfectly “clean,” to prove that they were above earthly temptations. And who would choose to enter into such a ministry? In many cases, priests, monks and nuns are people who have utterly failed in their human sexual relationships. Rather than kill themselves, they chose celibacy and retreat from the “real world.” But children were no threat to them. There they could be in control. This was the plum that the papacy could give them. Why not? The children would not remember. Besides, it was the perfect way to make those children absolutely obedient. As any dog trainer knows.

Believe me, it will not be long before it is revealed that many of the bishops and popes who protected the terrible priests who did these dastardly deeds were doing exactly the same thing. That's how it works in the Old Boys' Club.

Copyright Joy Gardner 2010

Please DO pass this on, fully intact with the Copyright, through Facebook and other channels. DO NOT publish it in any form for profit without written permission from the author.  

Your comments are absolutely encouraged.


May 1, 2010 (As published on my Facebook page:)

More on Catholic Perversion This discussion about Catholic Perversions is deeply important because, as a Vibrational Healer, I work with the Underlying Cause of illness, and disruptions of sexual energy rank right up there around the top of the list of things that make people mentally and physically sick. Just recently I read a new statistic that 1 out of 3 females and 1 out of 5 males experience unwanted sexual encounters during childhood. I have heard this for over 30 years from my clients.

There’s a very convincing article in the most recent Newsweek that makes the argument that because pedophiles come from all walks of life, there is no connection between the celibacy of priests and their molestation of children. My experience is that when energy flows freely, it will express itself in natural and usually beautiful and harmonic ways. When energy is repressed, it will eventually burst out and demand to be expressed, and this will usually happen in unfortunately inappropriate ways. Child molestation is one of those ways.

A pedophile (of any stripe) who preys upon children is a person who experienced severe repression of their own sexual energy when they were children. If it happened most intensively when they were 8, they will have a special predilection for 8-year-olds. Those who were raised Catholic (or any other fundamentalist religion that teaches that sex is evil), are the most highly inclined in this direction. So in the end, the very institutions that are supposedly preventing evil are the ones that are perpetrating it.

Example: Ronald was one of the sweetest, kindest men. He was happily married; he had a good job, and a nice bunch of friends. But he had a secret obsession with young girls who were just developing breasts. Whenever he could sneak some time on the computer, he would look for sites that would help him enter into that fantasy world. He was deeply ashamed of this part of himself.

Eventually his wife’s daughter by a previous marriage reached that stage of development. He did everything he could to resist the temptation. Everything except revealing his obsession to his wife, because his shame was so great that he was certain she would leave him if she ever found out how perverse he was. Instead, one night, after having a sweet romantic time with his wife and a few glasses of excellent wine, he was walking down the hall to the bathroom when he noticed that Jennifer’s door was wide open. He absolutely could not prevent himself from going into her darkened bedroom and ever-so-gently reaching under the covers to fulfill his coveted dream. He told himself she would not wake up, she would never know. But then he could not resist the temptation of doing it again. And again. Later, when she testified against him in court, Jennifer told the judge how she would hold her breath and pretend to be asleep because she was so frightened.

By the time Ronald came to me for help, his wife had left him, his friends had left him, he lost his job (when they traced the history of his computer use at work), and it was hard for him to find a place to live because he was on the police list of known sexual offenders. His entire life was ruined by this obsession. How did he become a child molester? Where did that crazy obsession come from?

From the time Ronald was an infant, he was told not to touch himself. “Shame on you, Ronnie! Bad boy!” He would get spanked (no surprise that spanking became one of his sexual turn-ons). He was told, “The Devil’s gonna get you, Boy!” What was a little boy to make of such crazy talk? Here he was doing something for himself that felt so natural, so good. Who is the Devil, and why was he “gonna get him”? And what would he do to him, and why?

When adults talk to children like this, it is a fundamental form of child abuse. This is where the problem begins. This is one of the Underlying Causes of the distortion of sexual energy that leads to shame, guilt, secrecy, dread, and sometimes ultimately to an attempt to completely shut down the sexual energy through choosing celibacy. But most people cannot suppress that energy, and it is no surprise that it eventually bursts out inappropriately. Ronald’s family obsessed about the evils of sex. All six children (half boys and half girls) were harangued on a daily basis, especially during adolescence, so that Ronald truly believed that if he did what all the other young boys were doing at that time, “feeling-up” their girlfriends, a wrathful God would appear instantly in a pillar of fire, and condemn him to eternal damnation. Just one innocent little feel would lead to eternal immolation.

It was the hardest thing he ever did in his life. He had a girlfriend and they really loved each other. They were both twelve. He adored her. She really wanted him to touch her. She took him to her secret place inside the big bush in her backyard. But then he told her about the wrathful God, and why he couldn’t do that. Well, she just laughed at him and walked right out of his life and never came back. That was the most painful thing that ever happened to him. Next Sunday when he went to Church, he refused to kneel down. His Mother couldn’t make him. Somehow he suddenly knew that it was all a hoax. And that he had just missed out on something that he wanted more than anything else. So he just kept right on wanting it. He couldn’t stop wanting it. And when he eventually had it with grown women, it wasn’t the same. Because it didn’t satisfy that moment of arrested development.

Now who was the abuser? We all know that Jennifer was the victim of the abuse (his one and only victim). But how many people understand that Ronald was the victim of the Catholic Church? Could this tragedy have been prevented if there was less shame and more compassion around Ronald’s predicament, so that he would have had the courage to tell his wife, and his wife would have had the wisdom to tell her daughter to lock her bedroom door at night?

August 30, 2010

Holy Day


Sometimes I get caught up in thinking that I need to work hard to manifest all the things I want. But I could work hard every day and not feel fulfilled. The only time my life really makes sense is when I put Spirit at the center of my life.

The best way for me to do that is to take a Holy Day once a week (or at least a half day) and do nothing. Or at least avoid doing anything that feels like work. I like to be in Nature; I think of Nature as the body of Spirit. That’s when I give Spirit a chance to talk to me; that’s when I re-member who I am.

When I quiet my busy-mind and allow myself to sink down into my soul-mind (whether it’s through meditation, or being in Nature, or doing some mindless repetitive task like sweeping the floor) I intuitively know what to do, to feel the most fulfilled. I know that whatever is most deeply fulfilling to me is exactly what I am supposed to be doing—what Spirit wants me to do—what the Angels are helping me to do. It’s what I was made to do.

Before I was born, I chose this body, this brain and the major people and events of this life, with the help of my Divine Guides. They helped me combine the karma of my past lives with the innate nature of my soul, so I could come into better alignment with Spirit.

It feels deeply good to do that. That’s why I can say that I am here to do what I most deeply want to do! I just have to quiet myself so I can receive Guidance about how to do it. Then I need to follow that Guidance with enthusiasm—to believe in myself with passion—then I can do almost anything, with ease and joy, and find fulfillment in my life.  



Your comments are absolutely encouraged.



Part 1 (2003-07)
Part 2 (2008)
Part 4 (2011)


Disclaimer: None of the information or products in this website are intended to treat, cure or diagnose any disease. All information and references are for informational purposes only. For a medical condition, please consult a competent physician. All information contained within this website is the property of Joy Gardner and is protected by copyright law. No part of it may be copied or reproduced without written consent by Joy Gardner.

© Copyright Joy Gardner 1995-2011